I imagine that the average baseball player jumps into his first minor league season with gusto. Long road trips on a coach bus, cheap hotels and fast food? All part of the adventure! I bet it takes a little while, maybe a few weeks of Podunk towns and not enough sleep to get to him, but eventually, baseball becomes less of a dream and more of grind.
I've been feeling that a little bit with my challenge over the last two days. I'm not surprised; I fully expected it. I just don't enjoy it.
Sigh. And a small pity party. (Really, small. I promise.) Here goes:
Even though the scale changed (an extra big drop, I'll grant you) the first week, the overall impact on how I look and feel was minimal. Some days, it's just hard. And I wonder if my effort will be enough. How much of a difference will it make? What will I look like on the final day of the World Series? How will I feel? Sometimes, I think if knew the answers to these questions, if I could see into the future, it would be a lot easier to make the work worth it. Honestly, I think I want that as much for me as I want to be able to show people - everyone, I always feel self-conscious - and say, "See, this is really me. I'm just hiding right now." But I don't have that evidence. I just have to trust. And it is so, so hard some days. Like today.
Okay, put on the big girl panties and deal. Pity party over.It might not be easy, but I would sure be ungrateful if I didn't remember in these moments the many, many ways I've been shown I'm never alone and I never have to doubt, even when I can't see the outcome. I'm pretty fortunate that I was reminded of this just a couple of days ago.
This Lent, which happens to almost exactly coincide with Spring Training, I've invited some friends to my home to study the weekly readings for the season. I read the readings for this weekend as I was preparing for our meeting (which was today). If you're interested, they can be found here:
http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022413.cfm
And then, Abraham and Sarah (the name change came along with the covenant with God) waited. A really long time. Long past when they had any reasonable explanation for their hope, a hope that wasn't always as strong as they would have liked it to be since their story has been recorded for posterity. God did not change His mind or back out. Still, the wait was really, really long. Abraham and Sarah needed to learn some lessons along the way, and it was not an easy or perfect journey. However, in the end, God wanted what was best for them, and that included keeping His promise to them.
It might sound funny, but I really think "My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge" isn't just something I thought up all by myself. I think it was, at least in part, inspired by God who loves me so much that He wants what is best for me. That means (à la Matthew Kelly) being the "best version of myself" that God created me to be, and my health is a part of who I am and integral to my identity as God's creation.
For Abraham and Sarah, being the "best versions of themselves" included becoming the first parents of God's chosen people. It took a very long time and a lot of heartache before they received what was promised, a child. I'm glad I'm not called to be the mother of an entire nation; I know that's beyond my abilities. But it's still a long journey to becoming the best version of who I was created to be.
Successfully completing my challenge won't make me the best version of myself as a whole person, let alone in the area of my health. But it will be a big step. I desperately want it to be easier than this, and a much, much quicker process. But if that's how it worked, it would only be cosmetic. Losing the weight this way takes discipline, patience, discipline, humility, discipline, trust and discipline.I guess I can see what good habit (virtue) God is telling me I need to practice to be who He wants me to be.
I Feel you my friend. The grind is the worse. I remember having to bribe myself to go to the gym.. (work out, read part of this book- ultimately I hired a trainer, that forced me to be at the gym a lot, but it was well worth it. Being aware is important too, that even though you don't want to, it is important. And since you are, half the battle is already conquered. And the world won't end if you miss a day. It took me a long time to be ok with that. And don't worry, being in the midst of the process yourself, you may not notice changes right away but your friends and family will. And when you find all of a sudden your pants don't fit, we are going shopping! (I'll figure out how to be in MN for that!) You are a beautiful person, and whatever you need, I'm here for you. :)
ReplyDeleteCari
Yeah, you did really well with the traininer. That's awesome. I'm not sure it's for me, but I won't rule it out. You are such a great example, friend! And since I have such a long way to go, I'm sure you'll be in MN one of the times I have to go shopping. (I can just how supportive you are by the fact that you are willing to go shopping!) Thanks, man. :)
DeleteI recall, that when God has Abraham look at the stars it is day and he sees none. Then God says, that famous line about Abraham's children! Keep trusting and trudging! God's plan is worth every effort - the best version of yourself. Yes or yes?!?
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's the interpretation Jeff Cavins has, that not only did Abram have to trust that he would have children as numerous as the stars, he had to trust that there were stars because he couldn't even see them during the day.
DeleteThanks for the encouragement! The Archdiocese gave thousands of copies of "Rediscovering Catholicism" away at Christmas, and I'm rereading it with a staff group for our book club. It's been so long since I've heard him speak, I forgot about "Yes or yes?" That made me laugh. :) The timing for reading his book is pretty fitting, too.