Day 12: My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge

When the dream turns into a grind...

I imagine that the average baseball player jumps into his first minor league season with gusto. Long road trips on a coach bus, cheap hotels and fast food? All part of the adventure! I bet it takes a little while, maybe a few weeks of Podunk towns and not enough sleep to get to him, but eventually, baseball becomes less of a dream and more of grind.

I've been feeling that a little bit with my challenge over the last two days. I'm not surprised; I fully expected it. I just don't enjoy it.

Sigh. And a small pity party. (Really, small. I promise.) Here goes:

Even though the scale changed (an extra big drop, I'll grant you) the first week, the overall impact on how I look and feel was minimal. Some days, it's just hard. And I wonder if my effort will be enough. How much of a difference will it make? What will I look like on the final day of the World Series? How will I feel? Sometimes, I think if knew the answers to these questions, if I could see into the future, it would be a lot easier to make the work worth it. Honestly, I think I want that as much for me as I want to be able to show people - everyone, I always feel self-conscious - and say, "See, this is really me. I'm just hiding right now." But I don't have that evidence. I just have to trust. And it is so, so hard some days. Like today.

Okay, put on the big girl panties and deal. Pity party over.

It might not be easy, but I would sure be ungrateful if I didn't remember in these moments the many, many ways I've been shown I'm never alone and I never have to doubt, even when I can't see the outcome. I'm pretty fortunate that I was reminded of this just a couple of days ago.

This Lent, which happens to almost exactly coincide with Spring Training, I've invited some friends to my home to study the weekly readings for the season. I read the readings for this weekend as I was preparing for our meeting (which was today). If you're interested, they can be found here:
http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022413.cfm

The First Reading from Genesis is one of my favorite readings. It's about God's promise to Abram. At the time, Abram and his wife Sarai were childless and aging, and they longed for a child with their whole beings. Without providing an explanation of how He will accomplish it, God promises that Abram's descendants will number as the stars, and that they will be given a land as their heritage.

And then, Abraham and Sarah (the name change came along with the covenant with God) waited. A really long time. Long past when they had any reasonable explanation for their hope, a hope that wasn't always as strong as they would have liked it to be since their story has been recorded for posterity. God did not change His mind or back out. Still, the wait was really, really long. Abraham and Sarah needed to learn some lessons along the way, and it was not an easy or perfect journey. However, in the end, God wanted what was best for them, and that included keeping His promise to them.

It might sound funny, but I really think "My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge" isn't just something I thought up all by myself. I think it was, at least in part, inspired by God who loves me so much that He wants what is best for me. That means (à la Matthew Kelly) being the "best version of myself" that God created me to be, and my health is a part of who I am and integral to my identity as God's creation.

For Abraham and Sarah, being the "best versions of themselves" included becoming the first parents of God's chosen people. It took a very long time and a lot of heartache before they received what was promised, a child. I'm glad I'm not called to be the mother of an entire nation; I know that's beyond my abilities. But it's still a long journey to becoming the best version of who I was created to be.

Successfully completing my challenge won't make me the best version of myself as a whole person, let alone in the area of my health. But it will be a big step. I desperately want it to be easier than this, and a much, much quicker process. But if that's how it worked, it would only be cosmetic. Losing the weight this way takes discipline, patience, discipline, humility, discipline, trust and discipline.

I guess I can see what good habit (virtue) God is telling me I need to practice to be who He wants me to be.

Day 8: My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge

The first weigh-in day! See below for results...

I have to say, I'm pretty happy with how I handled Week 1 of this crazy challenge. When the notion of this challenge dawned on me, it seemed more like something I was being called to rather than something I decided to aspire to. I'm a firm believe that God works through very ordinary means and through our desires and passions to speak to us. So, He chose to use my favorite baseball team to motivate me to change my health and my life.

Making it through Week 1 successfully, particularly this Week 1, is further proof that I'm not doing this on my own. (That's probably something I'll need to remember in the upcoming weeks and months when the going gets tougher, so I'll try to tuck that notion into my back pocket.)

I started my challenge on Mardi Gras because that's when Spring Training started. I spent the weekend on vacation eating out at restaurants. I had a dinner party, a time when I'm pridefully tempted to show off my cooking skills - and ignore calories in favor of taste - in order to please (and, I admit, in an attempt to impress) my guests. My refrigerator and pantry also contained a fair amount of food that fits into the "not exactly healthy" category. And, I needed to find a way to motivate myself to go to the gym - a place I find very, very intimidating - and workout strenuously enough that it matters, multiple times a week.

Oh, and to top it off, I had already decided to give up alcohol for Lent.

Each of those things challenges me to a greater or lesser degree, but together they create a pretty large challenge for me. And I did it! I don't really do a good job of patting myself on the back, so I'm going to let me myself acknowledge that I was successful this week and try not to feel guilty about acknowledging it. And I know I couldn't have done it without some extra grace and quite a few people who've given notes, words, looks, or prayers of support. Thank you!

One thing I've learned so far...Temperance is key.
This might seem like a natural notion to you, and it probably is. However, for as many times as I've heard it, it's never sunk in. One of my biggest challenges is self-control, and in the past, it's seemed like I'd never have it. While it's not just going to effortlessly stay around, I gained a little insight into how I actually can practice that "fruit of the Spirit".

I know it's only been a week, so it may seem like it's too soon to have had any "aha moments." It's not too soon to have one of those moments, but it is too soon to think I've mastered a new skill or practice. (I do no have the self-control this dog has!)

However, in my first week, I've realized this: In the past, I've tried to solve my over-indulgence by telling myself I can never have a particular food again. I would hold out for a while, and then I'd eventually cave and gorge myself on whatever it was. Once I did that, it was like I lost all self-control over food in general. On other occasions, I told myself that I could have anything I wanted, as long as it was in "moderation". Then, I'd find it was easy to consider moderation a bit larger each time, or to simply be moderate in the quantity of items I ate moderately.

For me, what I've realized and what I'm trying to practice is being mindfully moderate in what I eat. Virtually nothing needs to go on the "never" list. But that doesn't mean I should and will always indulge in a craving, even if it's just a tiny bite. Rather, when I want something to eat, everything has a cost and a benefit. Am I actually hungry? (If not, then don't eat at the moment!) How will what I want to eat nourish me? Since I can't have it everything that sounds tempting at the same time, is having x now worth giving up y? How much of x is healthy for me, and how does that compare to how much of x I would need to have to satisfy my craving for it?

As I grow in self-control, I will learn to respond to my cravings well. Sometimes, I'll choose to say yes, today, right now, I'm going to have x. Other times, I'll decide, it's not worth it this time around, and I'll have it another day. While it's difficult to say "not at this time", it's a lot easier than say "never".

And when I mess up, I won't consider it an unrepairable calamity.

Week 1 Weigh-In Results
Last week's cumulative total: 0 lbs (It was Ground Zero!)
This week's total: -8.5 lbs*
Total weight loss: -8.5 lbs

My nifty weight chart:

*Please nobody panic at the significant weight loss in a short time. Believe me, I was not restricting calories or working out to an unhealthy degree. I could produce witnesses to prove it! It's pretty common for a person to get a "jump start" in the first couple of weeks of a new weight loss program. (Hence the picture at the beginning of this post!) When one is morbidly obese (like I'm currently classified), that is just intensified. There was also a perfect storm of other factors that contributed, and I expect things to level off to a healthy 1-2 lbs per week in the next few weeks, assuming I keep working at it. :)

Day 3: My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge

First of all, a big THANK YOU to so many of you that have let me know in a variety of ways that you're supporting me in My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge. Just knowing that you were willing to take the time to tell me you cared - whether by "liking" my Facebook post or sending a message - means a lot. Also, for those of you that have said you're in this with me, whatever your goal is, WE can do this!

It's been a week of many good emotions, and everyone's support has been just one more thing that has just about brought me to (happy) tears. My brother got engaged on Day 2 of my challenge, and our family couldn't be more pleased. It's also one more motivating factor for me. I've even got a dress in mind that I'd like to fit into again...

On Tuesday (Day 1), I decided to try something new at my gym. I used to meet a few others at the gym, and there was an "AquaFit" class that was held when we were meeting. I loved to swim growing up, but I hate to be in a swimsuit now. However, I always thought I'd like to try this sometime. The people I used to meet, however, occasionally made fun of the class. A couple of times, I ventured that I thought it looked like something I'd enjoy. However, I let the disparaging remarks they made about the class keep me from giving it a try. It just seemed like another way to look stupid in their eyes (and, by extension, everyone else's eyes).

So, this week, I decided I needed to step out of my comfort zone and try it. It was very intimidating to walk in for the first time. I'm not a fan of new things because I don't like being out of control and I don't like people to see me mess up or fail at a task. When I walked into the locker room, there was a woman about my age (and about my size!) who had a dry swimsuit on, a pretty good bet she was on her way into the class. I was happy to see I wouldn't be the only person who didn't have gray hair. I was also brave enough to ask her what the "social norms" are for the class - do you bring your towel? need to get equipment first? get right into the pool or wait for the instructor?

The hour long class was great! There was a lot of aerobic activity, as well as resistance/muscle work. The class was at least 30 people, and it was split about 1/3 in my age bracket and the other 2/3 in the retired-but-not-elderly category. There was one older gentlemen who kind of took me under his wing, making sure I didn't stub my toe on the drain or that no one ran over me when 30 people changed directions running in the water - a lot harder than you might think for a short person! I really enjoyed being in the water, working out with others, and stepping out of the pool knowing that I worked hard. My hope is to make this class at least once per week, and I'm already worrying about how I can fit it into my week when my schedule changes for the summer. I'll have to see if I'm this excited after Week 2 of the class...

This week, I'm proud of myself for letting go of an area of my life where I've been too concerned about what others think. By letting go of what a few people said they thought about something that interested me, I discovered something I may really end up enjoying, that could have a positive impact on my health, and I reclaimed a little bit of my self-image, a little of control which I'd given away.

Also, a quick note, I'll post my progress sometime after my Tuesday weigh-ins. Mostly likely, late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning. So, if you're interested in keeping tabs on how I'm doing, that will be the best time to check.

My 2013 Minnesota Twins Weight Loss Challenge

My passion for the Minnesota Twins just might save my life.

I'm certainly not the only person struggling with her weight. I'm also not the only person who has tried to lose weight, and has even been successful at times, but has yet to maintain that success. For myself, my net result is a little bit worse each year.

For years, I avoided regular doctors and stuck whenever possible to in-store clinics where I could get a prescription for strep throat but wouldn't get the "you need to lose weight" speech. It's not like I didn't know that already, right? After turning 30 last May, I decided it was time to make myself grow up and find a general practitioner. She was awesome and gave me the "you need to lose weight" speech without making me feel like dirt or a failure. (Check out the Aalfa Clinic for a great team.) I tried following her advice, but I wasn't ready, and I didn't deal well with some things - small and big stressors - that happened this fall and winter. (No surprise, I ate to dull my emotions.)

What does this have to do with the Twins? Following the team, cheering for them, and blogging about them at www.puckettspond.com has become my passion. I spend ridiculous amounts of time listening to game and sport show broadcasts, reading about the latest news, writing my opinion, and dreaming about when my next trip to my Favorite Place (Target Field) will be.

The team has been in a serious slump for two seasons, and my health has been in a slump my whole life. I weigh more than Joe Mauer (and not just by a pound or two), and he's got 14 inches on me and a lot more muscle mass. Truthfully, to get to my healthy weight range, I have at least 120 pounds to lose. I can't change it all in the span of a baseball season. It may not be possible to get to that range at all. But, I can  make a significant impact on my weight, health, and self-image. Why not use the Twins' rebuilding year (don't tell GM Terry Ryan I called it that) as a rebuilding year for myself?

And so the challenge was born.

I've decided that I will match the Minnesota Twins' regular season wins in pounds lost. Spring Training for the Twins starts today (Tuesday, February 12), and I am beginning my challenge today, even though the Twins don't get to "count" Spring Training wins in the challenge. And, I am extending my challenge through the end of the World Series. Even if the Twins surprise us all and make it to any postseason play, those games don't count in the challenge. It's my pounds from now until the end of the World Series vs. the Twins' regular season wins.

The Minnesota Twins won 66 games in 2012. The local sports show I trust the most is 1500espn.com's "Reusse & Mackey", and Patrick Reusse predicts the Twins win 10-15 more in 2013, putting the team at approximately 76-81 wins.

It's a lofty goal, but I know I can do it because I know my family and friends will support me...if I have the courage to ask them to. That's part of why I will be blogging about my experience. I'll be sharing my "pounds lost" every Tuesday, and I may add a post or two in between, updating my progress, struggles, and successes. I know my posts may not be read by many people (or anyone at all), but publically committing to writing about my experience will help me to be more accountable. I'm also helping myself find healthier ways to handle physical and emotional stress. I know finding other strategies that work for me will ultimately determine whether or not I succeed in my challenge.

Every challenge needs a reward. You might think losing the weight should be enough. However, when I meet this challenge, I am going to want to celebrate. Here's my plan:

• Match the the Twins in wins (+/- 5 lbs from their win total): treat myself to 2014 lower level tickets
• Beat the Twins record by losing 6+ lbs more than their total 2013 regular season wins: treat myself to 2014 dugout box tickets

Oh, and games are a lot less fun by myself. So, those rewards will be to treat me and a friend. Be supportive, and maybe it's you who will get to join me! ;)

I have eight-and-a-half-months to complete my challenge, a perfectly reasonable amount of time to lose 75-80 lbs. I will be breaking my challenge into segments, and the first one is "Spring Training": From today until Spring Training ends, I will plan my meals in advance, taking portion control into account, and I will follow my plans strictly. I'll also gradually increase my activity to at least three workouts per week, working toward doing 20 or more minutes in each workout. This will be a stricter plan than what I'll be able to follow for the rest of my life. However, I've been doing research on weight loss, as well as some soul-searching, and a stricter kick start will be the best idea in the long run.

March 31 is Easter Sunday, and April 1 is Opening Day at Target Field, so my Spring Training deadline is March 30. At that time, I'll re-evaluate and make plans for my next phase.

Thank you for reading this post, and thank you to those of you who are willing to support me in this. I can't put into words how much it means to me.

Not your normal Advent reflection

I'm posting the Advent Week 4 picture because we're just about there.  I haven't followed through as I intended with any of my Advent commitments, and I'm not going to spend a lot of time commenting on that.  There have been a few moments of grace this season, and I'm so thankful for that.  But the season has also been very difficult: for people in our country, for some people around me, and for me personally.

We all know about the tragedy in Newtown, CT.  No description is necessary to explain that there is pain surrounding the tragic and senseless taking of life.  In fact, I would say no description could do justice to what those in Newtown and those connected to Newtown are experiencing.

My extended family has experienced the unexpected loss of a much-too-young beloved life, and one who is like family to me has experienced losing someone who has lived a long and beautiful life.  While age and circumstance may sometimes affect the level of surprise one has when losing a loved one, age and circumstance don't dictate how loved a person is and how much that person will be missed.  My heart aches so much when people I love are hurt.

Last night was the beginning of my Christmas "vacation" from work, and it should have been fun and relaxing.  It was horrible.  The friends I mentioned in my Advent Week 1 post, the ones to whom I sent the Christmas card and invitation to talk over what had come between us, none of them have responded to me.  I had my annual Christmas party, and I couldn't invite them because they didn't want to talk to me.  They used to be the first on the list.  On two separate occasions, I encountered one of them.  (Two different people on two different occasions.)  Last night was the second of those occasions.  Suffice it to say, the silent rejection was made more than clear last night, and the evening ended with tears in the car and a truly crappy beginning to what is supposed to be days of joyous celebration.

Sometimes those four little candles on the Advent wreath seem to mock the idea of hope rather than instill hope.  In so much darkness, whether in the world or in my own little corner of it, how much darkness can those little candles light?  And while the Light may have come into the world on Christmas, can the celebration of that day really dispel darkness in the world? in my world?

I'm sure that when Jesus was born, there was disappointment and even some despair when the angels and the magi went away and the world appeared to go to back to normal, a normal that was oppressive to so many people.  I bet that the world seemed very dark to people at times, even though Jesus was a little child growing up into a man who wasn't just man but was God, and this God-man would change the world and eternity.

Jesus didn't make the world perfect, and he didn't take away pain and suffering in this life.  He couldn't because that would take away our humanity.  He never wanted it to be this way, but the choice in the Garden change everything.  Jesus has lived through pain and suffering himself and stays with us during times in our lives when we endure it.

When Jesus fulfilled the promises of the prophets, he did so in ways that no one imagined.  Sometimes that hurt or angered people who refused to participate unless Jesus did things on their terms.  And probably learning that life isn't really about getting what we want is one the most important things that we can learn.

I can't bring any of the Newtown victims or my family's loved ones back to life.  I can't trade places with any of them.  I cannot make my former friends want to give and to seek forgiveness, healing, or peace, or even make them recognize that they have been wrong, too.  There is nothing I can do to make my hurt disappear.

The Christmas season (which, in the "real" world) starts sometime around Thanksgiving, is very difficult for people who mourn the loss of a loved one, struggle with depression, are lonely, or have so many other "hidden" hurts, injuries, and sorrows.  The constant barrage of images, movies, and scenes of the "perfect" Christmas highlight what is missing and sometimes makes a hurting person feel alienated and more alone.  It can highlight the darkness in one's own life.

And so those four little candles, and then the light of Christ whose birth we prepare to celebrate, well, I have to let them remind me that there is someone who is with me, with my family, with the world when times are unbearable.  He is bigger than the unbearable, and he can bear it for us and with us.  And some day, every tear will be wiped away.  That is the ultimate hope to cling to as we draw near to Christmas.

Advent 2012: Week 1

Going into Advent, I was REALLY certain I was going to be able to dedicate myself to preparing for Christmas like I've never prepared before.  I was committed.  I was going to set aside so much time for God he was going to get bored with me.  It all sounded so good and I really thought that yes, this year, I'd be ready to celebrate the Incarnation and the Second Coming on December 25th.

I literally didn't make it through Sunday Week 1.

This year, children/youth in our faith formation and school programs at Saint Ambrose have received a weekly journal to help them focus on the "People of Faith" from each of the Sunday Gospels.  Week 1 focuses on the Prophets.  Since I am asking my catechists and my students to pray with the Gospels and reflect with the journals each week, it seemed only fair that I do the same.

I was really proud of the fact that I read the Gospel and worked on the journal several days in advance.  I was prepared for the Sunday liturgy by reflecting in advance, right?

Each week the journal asks the students (and therefore, me) to make some sort of commitment to help us live as People of Faith, following the example of those in our Gospels.  The reflection for Week 1 asked me to list four things I would do to show that I am a "Person of Faith" and to prepare for Jesus' coming.  My four responses were:

• Read "The Little Blue Book" daily
• Write a Christmas card each day to someone I've been meaning to contact - no generic cards to people I see all of the time.
• Write a weekly online reflection
• Go to confession once during Advent

So Advent, Day 1, I was up too late the night before.  That Day 1, I slept in, zipped over to a Christmas family reunion, and then zipped to work (in time for 5:00 PM Mass, since I didn't get up in time for morning Mass).  After work, I came home and wrote a post for www.puckettspond.com, where I am the Editor.  By the time I finished, it had reached the wee hours of Monday morning.

Drat.  I'd already messed up my Advent commitment, and it was just barely Day 2, so early it doesn't even count as Day 2.

I could barely keep my eyes open, so I wasn't going to write a card.  I wanted to do my reflection a few days in advance, like the previous Thursday.  But, what was one more day late going to hurt? There will be opportunity for confession, and anyway, there are quite a few things I don't want to face just yet, so I put that off.  At minimum, I could read the Little Blue Book before I went to bed.

Since it was Advent Day 1, the LBB suggested making an Advent commitment.  Easy!  Not only had I made a commitment, I'd already made four of them!  However, as I kept going through the entry, my heart sank.  Right there, in the entry was the "suggestion" that the reader (me) write a Christmas card to someone I was not on good terms with.

Ah, crap.

That LBB reflection, added to a few other recent things, was clearly an invitation by the Holy Spirit  (read:  really strong suggestion) to reach out to a small group of people with whom I used to be close friends.  I had been trying to figure out how to talk with these friends, and I hadn't been able to do it.  In fact, I'd given up.  I'd been so hurt that I decided it was easier to push them away all the time, even when they were in a place where they accepted me.  It was better for me to give up the good times in order to prevent the bad.

But the HS was basically telling me I HAD to write these cards.  Of course, I had free will in the matter.  It was just one of those moments where it was clear that the HS was really telling me that was the best idea.

Great.

It's not fair for me or for these friends to put any other details here, especially because we have never talked about any of this.  Today was the first day they could have received my Christmas cards.  I don't know yet if they did.  My hope is that they will accept the invitation to peace, whether our friendship continues or not.  I try not to care, but I do, so very much.  And I struggle with frustration with the Holy Spirit for urging me to put myself out there once again.  Despite all my failings (and they are SO very many), I try so hard to make my friends and family happy.  I hate that I fail and I hate that I'm not good enough most of the time, and I hate that I have felt so hurt and betrayed, and that I haven't had the courage to stand up and stop it before it became this disjointed.

And so I return to Sunday Week 1's Gospel, which I originally assumed would be the focus of this reflection.  I should know better than to make assumptions when it comes to the Holy Spirit.  In the Week 1 Gospel, the world is experiencing extreme tribulations, scary enough that people die of fright.  And yet, the Gospel urges us to vigilance and to persevere through the extreme difficulty.  There are some truly bad situations so many real people experience in our world - natural disasters, political wars, and abject poverty.  At the same time, those of us who are blessed with relative security most of the time still experience difficulties that seem beyond our control.  I truly believe the LBB, and even this Gospel, was meant to make me think of the friends I mentioned above.  I believe that they deserved a contact, whether I gain peace or whether I am spurned.

Truly, this is such a difficult Gospel.  What does one say?  For me, I have a feeling that my idea of a quiet, small introduction to the season was torpedoed early on; how do I keep the focus?  How do I handle my former friends completely pushing away?  How do I handle it if they try to make an effort?

Check me out on Puckett's Pond!



If you've enjoyed my posts on "Paula's Pitch", I hope you'll check out www.puckettspond.com, where I have recently joined the team as a staff writer.  That will be my primary blog about all things Minnesota Twins.  However, I may occasionally add a post on some of my other favorite topics here at Paula's Pitch.  I hope you'll follow me on both places.

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